'Twas the night before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when I walked in the house

The cat sat there burping, while eating the mouse;

No stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

They lay in a heap right there on the chair;

The kids were all cranky and running about,

My head was pounding and I needed to shout;

Mamma pulled her kerchief and blew really loud,

Where’d it all come from it must weigh a pound.

When out from the kitchen the there arose such a clatter,

The disposal was clogged with some unknown matter.

I jumped up and ran for the plunger you see,

The plumber would charge one hell of a fee.

The spot light outside cast a light bright as day,

You could see in the mail box all the bills yet to pay.

I looked very closely and what did I see,

A fat man in red that was rubbing his knee.

With a little more looking, you would have to agree,

A law suit was coming from the ice and the tree.

What the heck was he doing, out on such a night,

I knew that the lawyer was in for a fight.

Get bourbon! Get vodka! Get bud lite and gin,

Get whiskey, get brandy , get a big glass to put it all in.

To the sidewalk I dashed , with the glass that was full

This chubby old man I was having to fool.

I gave him the drink and got him quite drunk,

If he sues me my money will all be defunct.

He drank what I offered and wanted some more,

So we staggered on down the street off to the store.

We giggled and laughed so much that we peed,

I knew of the law suit I would soon be freed.

As we walked on I turned and what did I see,

A cop car with lights on right behind me.

She was dressed all in blue, and was wearing big boots,

I screwed up big time when I called her toots.

The handcuffs were cold as she read me my rights,

I knew I'd done wrong and that really bites.

My jail cell on Christmas was truly quite nice,

The mattress was lumpy but it did have some lice.

My eyes were all blurry and my mouth it was dry,

I felt so damn crappy I just wanted to die.

The old man wore dentures that clicked when he snored,

He farted and grunted right there on the floor.

Morning was coming from the window I saw,

I swear no more problems for me with the law.

I got home in the morning and what do I see,

That old man with reindeer just waiting for me.

“It’s been a great Christmas “he said with a smile

“Best one I’ve had in such a long while”

“You’ve been bad I know that, I’ve looked at the list.

You’ve written this poem with a very bad twist

You can't rhyme or spell right” he said right to me

“It should have been funny and filled with some glee”

He jumped in that red sleigh, and gave a smile,

I knew he would be back after awhile.

I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight.

Happy Christmas my friends , and to all a Goodnight.

A mouse in the house

It has been over a year since I've written anything so here we go.

We have a small visitor in our home this winter. A field mouse has decided that he/she would like to live with us.

As you know I'm a real softy when it comes to animals, even a mouse. I have done my research on how to trap a mouse and not hurt it. I have three live traps baited with the stinky cat food they are supposed to love.

The only problem is I haven't caught the darn thing. You would think after a couple days smelling the temptation I would catch something! Today I move them to different location and try again.

If I do manage to catch the little sucker I need to find a safe place to put it so it won't starve this winter. I am planning on taking it back to the brush pile and leaving it some food. I know you are surprised that I'm not building a little mouse condo with running water and heat! I do have my limits.

I'll try to write more in this blog, I promise.

In the mean time my trusty protective mop and I are off hunting down the big mean mouse.

The Worlds Best (In my opinion)

By now you have all figured out that I have a rather warped sense of humor and head out on some rather strange adventures.
Since I have been going nuts for a donut for the past month I have decided to search out the worlds best donut! I am willing to try any type of donut so if you have a recommendation let me know. I figure by the time I find the worlds best donut I will have to begin a quest for the worlds easiest diet.
I have already been on several quest for the worlds best. It took years of eating and traveling but I did find the worlds best pancake. It was found at a truck stop on Raton Pass on the New Mexico side. I have had pancakes since I found it and it is still the best.
I have looked for the best French Dip sandwich. At this point the leader is here in Iowa City at a Pub called Mickeys. I am still looking for one to beat it but no luck yet.
The very best french fries are also in Iowa City at Jimmy Jacks barbecue shack. Very crunch and not greasy at all.
I have found the very best gin and tonic in London but I can't remember the name of the place. It appears I had more than one since I can't remember the name of the place.
The very best bottled Gin is made in Iowa of all places. The bottler is Clearheart in Cedar Rapids. It is more of a Genevieve Gin than a Juniper berry gin. Very yummy.

In college I looked for the worlds best running shoe and finally found Nike Finland Blues. They were awesome shoes but are no longer made.

I was on a quest for the worlds best sex but had to give it up because I wasn't getting enough sleep! Hey what can I say. I had my youth in the 70's and 80's.

I already had the worlds best parents and still have the worlds best brother so my life is good.

Until the next time, happy donut hunting!

Mothers Day

Mothers Day when your mother is gone is strange. She has been gone for quite a while but I still miss her everyday.
I thought I would take this space to say thanks to her for all she gave me.

Thanks for letting me grow up in a house filled with love.
Thanks for letting me fail so I could learn how to succeed.
Thanks for letting me grow up to be the woman I wanted to be not what others expected me to be.
Thanks for giving me the courage to speak my mind, even if I was wrong.
Thanks for standing by me when I was wrong.
Thanks for always having a box of band aids ready.
Thanks for coming to get me at the police station when I got caught out after curfew.
Thanks for getting your drivers license so you could haul me all over town.
Thanks for getting my string bass in and out of the car when I was too small to do it myself.
Thanks for helping to mend my broken heart on more times than I can remember.
Thanks for having my first legal beer with me.
Thanks for teaching me how to tap dance.
Thanks for teaching me how to make hats out of paper bags.

Thanks for being My Mom.

Love,
Cheryl

Spring in Iowa

Since I have spent months complaining about how long the winter has been I thought it was time for me to share some spring time thoughts. The sights and sounds of spring always amaze me. I’m not sure if it is because I have been stuck inside for so long or what. As the Earth starts to warm up for us I’m going to share my observations with you.
1.The starlings at the bird feeders have started to turn all black again, losing all their winter white spots.
2.The male cardinals have started warming up their vocal cords by practicing their mating songs.
3.There is a flood warning at Marengo.
4.The Eagles have all left their winter hunting grounds by the river. I will miss seeing them,
5.The male robins have returned. You can tell they are males because they look like they are wearing black baseball caps backwards! Not that it matters unless you are another robin.
6.I saw 2 Great Blue Herons flying over the house yesterday.
7.There is flooding in Marengo.
8.Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum (the 2 groundhogs at the corner) have begun to come out of their den on sunny days. Haven’t seen any babies yet.
9.I got a very brief glimpse of the resident beaver down at our lake.
10.The excellent art work of children has started showing up on the sidewalks.
11.Did I mention the flooding in Marengo?
12.You can hear the very best sound of spring. The kids at the day care next door laughing so hard they are wetting themselves. Why don’t adults laugh this hard?
13.You have to keep a rag by the door to wipe the dogs’ paws when they come in or you have doggie art on your floors.
14.The above mentioned dog starts to shed and you think she will surely be bald any day.
15.High impact flooding at Marengo.
16.I start trying to figure out how to work in the garden even though there is standing water in it.
17.I’m tempted to put my ice scraper away but know better. It’s only March in Iowa and we can get a lot more snow.
18.Iowa City residents start looking at the Iowa River and hope it won’t flood again this year. It truly is very high and I am concerned. If my house floods all of Iowa City is in big trouble since I live on a hill.
19.The daffodils and crocus are poking their heads up in the circle garden.
20.You can hear the frogs croaking at night.
21.I think this is the time of year Marengo floods.
22.The bunnies have started playing catch me, catch me! Baby bunnies to follow soon.

That is just one day of observations for me. I truly love the spring. It makes me even happier to be alive.
Now I don’t know where Marengo Iowa is, but I do know I don’t want to live there. I have heard rumors it floods there.
Enjoy the wonders of Spring.

Thoughts on turning 55

My mom always said to me that when you turn the same age as the years you were born in it was supposed to be a special year. I was born in 1955 and will be turning 55 in a few days.

You know how people say "If I had know I would live this long I would have taken better care of myself."? Now I know what they mean. I never thought I would live to 30 let alone 55. I could not have envisioned myself as a 55 year old with a limp and grey hair. I suppose it isn't that bad, I could be a 30 year old with a limp and grey hair. I always wondered what the tattoo I got when I was 21 would look like when I was older. Notice how I didn't say old.

I guess I'm at that point in my life where I look back and the things I have done. Most of it I'm glad I did and fairly proud of what I accomplished. Like most people there are a few things I have done that I am not very proud of and I am sorry I did them. Just more learning experiences!

So what am I going to do now? Well I need to add a few more things to my bucket list since it is getting rather short.

Let's see I still need to:
1.Take the kayak down the hill behind the house.
2.Learn to row on a crew.
3.Learn to not hate lima beans.
4.See if I can still do a cartwheel.
5.Not break any more bones. See items 1 and 4 on the list!
6.Become the best drummer I can.
7.Rediscover a passion.
8.Pursue the above passion with gusto.
9.Convince myself that I am not old just well aged.

I'm sure I can think of a few more to put on but not today.

To my friends and family I want to thank you for putting up with all of my slightly nutty ideas. For convincing me I really am hurt and taking me to the hospital! Thank you for just being who you are and for accepting me for who I am.

So for the next years of my life I'm going to live my life to the fullest and do my very best to not repeat the mistakes of the past. I am going to celebrate living everyday and smile at people I don't know.

The Waitress

Have you ever really looked at how much time we spend just waiting? Think about it for even a few minutes and your brain starts to buzz. It never ends.

We wait to be born for months. Then we get born and we have to wait to get all cleaned up before we get to see our parents.

We wait for the cable TV guy. They can be here between 8 and 5 three weeks from next Tuesday but only if it is a full moon. Okay we will wait. This is after we have been put on ignore by them and wait 45 minutes for them to answer our call.

When we go out to eat we wait for a parking spot, we wait for a table, we wait for the waitress to come back and take our order, we wait for our food. We usually end up waiting for someone to finish their meal or they end up waiting for us. We wait for the waitress to bring us the check. We get tired of waiting so we trip her to get her attention. We feel bad about this so we wait for the ambulance with her.

We wait at traffic lights. You would think they could hire somebody to get the lights in sync so all four directions wouldn't have to wait.

We wait in line at the grocery store. Then we finally make it to the cashier and we have to wait on a price check. We wait for the person to run into the middle of the store trying to find the item. Can't find it so they run back to see the item again. Wait more and try to decide if food is really necessary after all. We just have to wait for it to cook. Runner guy comes back with a price that the cashier rings up wrong. So we wait for the manager to come clear the entry. We wait for them to finish bagging our purchase the wait for the carry-out kid since they don't trust us with their carts.

But wait there is more!

We wait to see the doctor in the waiting room. We wait in the exam room. We wait on the lab to get our test results back to the doctor. We wait for the doctor to call us with these results. Then we have to wait for the pharmacy to get our medication. Lucky us we have to wait 3 hours after eating to take our medicine.

We wait in line at the restroom. If we are lucky we don't have to wait for the only stall that happens to have a woman with 3 kids in there that have to go too. Wait.. why do women have to do this?

I'm starting to get a headache from all this waiting. I'd take some aspirin but I'd just have to wait for them to start working.